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Bach Flower Remedies

May is the month associated with flowers, so I thought it would be timely to look at flower remedies. You may have heard of “rescue remedy” or other Bach flower remedies. (The preferred pronunciation is “Batch,” but it’s also acceptable to pronounce it like the composer.) They contain a very small amount of flower material in a 50:50 solution of brandy and water, and are said to work by transmitting a vibrational energy through the memory of water (not the same as homeopathy, but equally implausible).

Bach was trained as a homeopath and even created some bacterial homeopathic nosodes, but then he branched out. He used his intuition to access a psychic connection to plants. He would hold his hand over different plants to see which one affected his emotional state, and he would collect the dew from that plant to use as a remedy.

The Remedies

A facsimile edition of Bach’s 1936 book The Twelve Healers is available free on the Internet. It makes interesting reading. It starts off:

From time immemorial it has been known that Providential Means has placed in Nature the prevention and cure of disease, by means of divinely enriched herbs and plants and trees. The remedies of Nature given in this book have proved that they are blest above others in their work of mercy; and that they have been given the power to heal all types of illness and suffering.

I have no clue what he means by “proved.” He offers no evidence of any kind, not even testimonials. The book explains how to prepare flower essences by exposure to sunlight or by boiling, and lists the remedies and their indications under 7 headings:

  • For fear
  • For uncertainty
  • For insufficient interest in present circumstances
  • For loneliness
  • For those over-sensitive to influences and ideas
  • For despondency or despair
  • For over-care for welfare of others.

You see, the nature of the disease is immaterial. The mind shows the onset and course of the disease, and the outlook of mind is all you need to consider. Heal the mind and the body will heal itself. He isn’t just offering to affect psychology: he promises to cure all that ails you. The book was advertised as “An explanation of the real cause and cure of disease.” The “12” in the title refers to the original 12 remedies. Discovery of 26 more “completed the series.” He doesn’t explain how he knew the series was complete. I can only guess that a little flower told him.

As a specific example, he lists larch under “For despondency or despair” with the criteria:

For those who do not consider themselves as good or capable as those around them, who expect failure, who feel that they will never be a success, and so do not venture or make a strong enough attempt to succeed.

The descriptions sound more like personality types in astrology than like temporary manifestations of illness.

The Evidence

Bach died of cancer at an early age, but his supporters explain that “he died of exhaustion rather than of the disease itself.” The Bach Centre is carrying on his work. They say,

We don’t see it as our role to ‘prove’ that the remedies work, then — instead we simply demonstrate how to use them and let people prove the effect on themselves.

Nevertheless, they point to a summary of the evidence base, and to one double-blind trial of rescue remedy that is far from persuasive. I also found a study by 2 Italian geologists who used the remedies to enhance the inherent properties of rocks.  I confess I couldn’t force myself to read that one.

The indefatigable Edzard Ernst did a systematic review of randomized clinical trials as of 2010, concluding that the most reliable trials did not show any difference between flower remedies and placebos. A search of PubMed found a couple of other reviews in CAM journals, one negative and one (a retrospective case-study analysis) claiming that flower essences had value in getting patients to open up about their issues.

People Actually Believe This Rubbish

They offer training courses in over 40 countries worldwide to become a qualified Bach practitioner and they provide extensive lists of qualified practitioners in over 60 countries. I looked at the website of one who practices near where I live. Karen practices Bach Flowers Essence therapy and she has lots of testimonials from grateful clients. She offers a consultation in person, by phone, or by Skype for $65, which includes a bottle of remedies and shipping. She also practices crystal healing (to balance the energy in the etheric body) and energy therapy and quotes Dr. Oz as saying energy medicine is the next big frontier in medicine. A website selling Bach remedies crows “Dr. Oz recommend Rescue Remedy for stress.” Thanks, Dr. Oz, for muddying the waters.  

Hilariously, the Bach Centre gives this answer to a FAQ about using dowsing and applied kinesiology to select remedies:

[they can] introduce a barrier… [they will] go straight to the heart of the problem before the client is necessarily ready to go that far. This means that self-knowledge, which is one of the aims of treatment with the remedies, is never attained properly.

They insist that it is essential to select remedies by the classic interview technique prescribed by Dr. Bach.

There is even an offshoot Down Under: Australian bush flower essences. Just meditating on Bach remedies is said to be helpful  Just chant OM HUM NAMAHA. The naturopathic Bastyr University teaches Bach flower therapy and even sells a book about flower remedies for animals. 

Apparently the usually CAM-friendly NCCAM is not convinced: I couldn’t find any mention of Bach remedies on their website. The usually reliable Natural Medicines Comprehensive Database wimps out with a noncommittal

There is insufficient reliable information available about the effectiveness of Bach flower remedies.

The Cochrane Collaboration has not studied flower remedies, but it lists them among acceptable topics for funding.

At Least They’re Safe

These remedies are unlikely to cause any adverse reactions, since there’s so little of anything in them. What if you are allergic to the flower? No worries! 

The Essences do not contain any material substance deriving from the Flowers; thus they contain no allergens. They carry only the energetic information of each Flower.

The one thing that might have any real effect is the brandy used to dilute them, but a patient is unlikely to ingest enough of it to have much of an effect. I wonder if they might be dangerous for patients on Antabuse who are warned to avoid alcohol in any form, even in colognes and aftershave lotions.

Conclusion

This is all just too silly. But on second thought, nothing has ever proved too silly for people who want to believe. The term “bloomin’ idiot” comes to mind, but these people are not idiots, they’re just misguided. It’s depressing. They would probably tell me I should take a flower remedy for despair. I’ll pass.

Posted in: Energy Medicine, Herbs & Supplements

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26 thoughts on “Bach Flower Remedies

  1. nybgrus says:

    Is this where the “flower children” of the 60′s got their ideas from? Seems to be so overly stereotypical of the “crunchy granola hippie” as to be comical.

    Interesting to note that Bastyr teaches it. As Dr. Gorski has said – no woo is crazy enough for them to eschew. (Hey, I’m a poet and didn’t know it!) And these naturopaths want to “integrate” to help treat patients alongside real doctors? Blows my mind that this is even remotely a contention. Next we’ll find astrologers wanting to “integrate” with astronomers, alchemists with chemists, and creationists with evolutionary biologists.

  2. Jan Willem Nienhuys says:

    Wonderful Bach! The cognoscenti know of course ‘nosodes’ but for the others I’ll explain.

    Bach used homeopathic dilutions of faeces, urine, pus, blood, cerebospinal fluid and decayed tissue of sick organs, altogether 7 nosodes when he was working in the London Homoeopathic Hospital. These supposedly were valuable in the battle against 7 different intestinal microbes that he himself had isolated from sick people. Initially he thought he had discovered the real causes of Hahnemann’s psora (=itch, scabies). According to Hahnemann most chronic diseases were caused by one of three miasmas, namely syphilis, sycosis (=~ gonorrhea) and psora, and psora is the most important one.

    However, Bach studied (in the 1920s) the personality of his patients and came to the conclusion that the causes of illness were the personalities of the patients rather than their intestinal bacteria. He distinguished 7 pairs of basic moods and corresponding mood disorders: fear/courage, un/certainty, dis/interestedness, despair/hope and so on. He discovered a link between these basic moods and flowers that happened to grow near his house in Norfolk. In his first book (1931) the 7 primary diseases were a variation of the 7 principal sins. He named them: pride, cruelty, hatred, egoism, ignorance (I am consulting a Dutch translation of a French article by Richard Monvoisin for this and maybe the original English of Bach is slightly different), inconstancy, greed. One of the flowers that supposedly produced a wholesome essence was Ceratostigma willmottiana, which originates from the Tibetan side of the Himalaya, but was introduced as a garden plant in England in 1908. By 1936 Bach had collected 38 ‘flowers’ that supposedly could cure each and every disease by correcting negative moods. Each of these 38 remedies corresponds to an aspect of the 7 basic mood modalities. For example Impatiens glandulifera for people that were impatient. Oak is for reliability. The yellow colored Mimulus guttatus or monkeyflower is for fear. One of these ‘flowers’ actually is ‘rock water’.

    The preparation of the remedies is as follows. The idea is that the smell of flowers is their soul. Harvesting this soul is done by picking the flower buds before they open. This is done in the early morning before nine o’clock. The flower buds must be put in a glass bowl half filled with spring water from a nearby source. Bowl with flowers should be exposed to bright sunshine during three hours and no shadow may fall across the bowl. When the flowers start changing color they are taken out of the water, preferably without touching the water (use a stem of the same flower). The ‘broth’ is then filtered, poured into a bottle, and mixed with equal parts of alcohol (‘brandy’) to stop all chemical reactions, and then the mixture is left to stand for 48 hours, covered with a cloth. This is the ‘original tincture’ or ‘mother tincture’.

    From this original tincture one makes a ‘stock’ by putting two drops into a 30 ml bottle of brandy, i.e. a 1:300 dilution, and to prepare the actual remedy another such dilution can be applied. The patient should take two drops, but in the drugstore near where I live the rescue remedy is child friendly: it contains no alcohol whatsoever. Needless to say, it probably doesn’t contain any plant material either. In homeopathy the mother tincture at least contains about 50 per cent plant material (if plants are used), but how many milligrams of plant material pass from the flower buds into the water in this way? Many other firms make also flower remedies, but the original Bach firm says of course that theirs is the only good stuff. The Rescue Remedy (intended for severely traumatized persons, no matter what kind of trauma) was a mixture developed in 1933 and its effectivity was proved (for Bach) after 1 (one) succesful case.

    I suspect that many people have no idea about how these remedies are prepared. That’s why I take the liberty of explaining it into such detail.

    In a sense the Bach theory of sickness is the old humoral theory, but with balances of 7 opposite pairs of moods rather than 4 humors. There is also some nature veneration and the pernicious idea that any illness has a psychological root. The old signature principle is also apparent in the Bach remedies. Part of the propaganda about Edward Bach (1886-1936) was that he was such a good man who sacrificed himself for the good of humanity and who brought medicine to a higher level. Pure religion.

    Incidentally, Ernst reviewed the Bach remedies earlier: Ernst, E. (2002), “Flower remedies” : a systematic review of the clinical evidence. Wien. Klin. Wochenschr.; vol. 114 (23-24), p. 963-966. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12635462

    A critical discussion about Bach flowers in English can be found here:
    McCutcheon, Lynn (1995), Bach flower remedies: Time to stop smelling the flowers? Skeptical Inquirer vol. 19 (4), p. 33-35, 55.

  3. richarddgarber says:

    Harriet:

    It’s actually even worse than you describe. One of the Twelve Healers is Rock Water, which is described on page 28. It’s a sort of holy water – a remedy without any flower added. Now, that’s really expensive bottled water!

    I’ve blogged about that double-blind trial of rescue remedy and pointed out the statistical game they played to say something posiitve that could wind up in a press release:
    http://joyfulpublicspeaking.blogspot.com/2010/01/bach-rescue-remedy-and-anxiety.html

    Richard

  4. mousethatroared says:

    @Harriet Hall – I’m a little unclear on the actual product. Sorry if I missed something. At first I thought these were herbal remedies you would drink. Then I thought, well maybe essential oils that you smell or rub on your skin, but then you mentioned dilutions. Are these remedies prepared similar to homeopathic remedies?

    I have to say I love the description of conditions. –

    “For fear
    For uncertainty
    For insufficient interest in present circumstances
    For loneliness
    For those over-sensitive to influences and ideas
    For despondency or despair
    For over-care for welfare of others.”

    Now I’m going have to resistant wasting my morning finding the perfect movements and recordings for each condition for a new playlist – (Which is just the kind of crazy project I find totally tempting) Thanks! :)

  5. Janet Camp says:

    Years ago I bought some Rescue Remedy and used it for my kids–scrapes, bruises and other “boo-boos”. They loved to have the little drops on the tongue to make things all better. At the time I never thought about what was in the stuff and all my friends used it, so it just seemed like another thing to have in the cabinet along with band aids (which make a great placebo as well). I confess to keeping it in the glovebox and using it for road rage! Seemed to work! I read a booklet about Bach and thought it all sounded hokey, but used it anyway (this is really quite embarrassing to admit and it was a LONG time ago).

    Luckily, I happened upon Trick or Treatment by Ernst (and Singh?) and began to disabuse myself of such notions–I’m skeptical by nature, but honestly used to think that drug stores wouldn’t sell things that were completely useless!

    What’s really awful is people like Oz getting on the bandwagon. He will apparently endorse just about anything these days.

  6. Ed Whitney says:

    It is not possible to understand the appeal of Bach flower remedies without considering the appeal of vitalism and of Hermeticism which seem to provide the underpinnings of much of the thinking that supports CAM in many of its manifestations.” These in turn are derivatives of Neoplatonism, which underlies a great deal of New Age thinking.

    The opening sentences of Bach’s book fit perfectly into the framework of a wide system of thought in which the anima mundi, the world soul, is a real thing in which we are all included and which connects us all to one another and confers kindred and belonging to all creatures who participate in its care. Consider this passage from Plato’s Timaeus, in which the creation of the world is being cast in the form of a story:

    “For which reason, when he was framing the universe, he put intelligence in soul, and soul in body, that he might be the creator of a work which was by nature fairest and best. Wherefore, using the language of probability, we may say that the world became a living creature truly endowed with soul and intelligence by the providence of God…For the Deity, intending to make this world like the fairest and most perfect of intelligible beings, framed one visible animal comprehending within itself all other animals of a kindred nature. “

    Or consider this passage from Leibniz; Discourse on Metaphysics, where he uses Alexander the Great as a paradigm of the interconnectedness of all things:

    “When we carefully consider the connection of things we see also the possibility of saying that there was always in the soul of Alexander marks of all that had happened to him and evidences of all that would happen to him and traces even of everything which occurs in the universe, although God alone could recognize them all.”

    However flaky such thinking appears to a mind guided by observable evidence, it has survived for a very long time in many forms and diverse places. The flowers are connected to humans through the participation of both in the world soul, which itself is alive. Paracelsus, the inventor of the idea that diseases were specific entities which had chemical cures, was steeped in the same sense of the world and what makes it go.

    Empiricism finds all of this Platonic stuff very frustrating and cannot fathom how any intelligent person could entertain it for even a moment. But never to have been touched by its appeal is to have missed something in life. Even if the empirical mind cannot summon any sympathy for the vitalistic tradition, it can summon a sense of history about it to place homeopathy and other forms of vitalism in a larger context wherein it appears a trifle less pathological.

  7. DKlein says:

    Great information here on Bach Flowers from both Dr. Hall and Jan Willem Nienhuys. Thanks.

    I also was given Rescue Remedy many years ago. The taste and high percentage of alcohol was surprising and even then I wondered if that was why it was so popular with the natural health crowd. RR made me sneeze and my mouth and throat itch.

    My former veterinarian prescribes Bach Remedies for his patients. I wonder how he reads their moods.

  8. Amy (T) says:

    make that mixed with brandy 75:25 flavored syrup and I’ll buy it as a cure all.

  9. LMA says:

    As a “cat parent” I’ve noticed this particular strand of pure bullshit seems to be recommended a lot for household pets who seem to be “stressed” by new companions, death of companions, lightning storms, whatever. The “holistic” veterinarian whose column runs weekly in the Washington Post is always suggesting Bach Flower Remedies, and i”ve seen it mentioned in several books and magazines on pet care. I always figured it was just another form of homeopathy, but didn’t realize before that this “cure,” unlike homeopathy, could actually do active harm to someone who doesn’t know it contains alcohol rather than good old dihydrogen monoxide.

  10. LMA says:

    As a “cat parent” I’ve noticed this particular strand of pure bullshit seems to be recommended a lot for household pets who seem to be “stressed” by new companions, death of companions, lightning storms, whatever. The “holistic” veterinarian whose column runs weekly in the Washington Post is always suggesting Bach Flower Remedies, and I’ve seen it mentioned in several books and magazines on pet care. I always figured it was just another form of homeopathy, but didn’t realize before that this “cure,” unlike homeopathy, could actually do active harm to someone who doesn’t know it contains alcohol rather than good old dihydrogen monoxide.

  11. MerColOzcopy says:

    Really, there is no affect of flowers on; fear, uncertainty, loneliness, over-sensitivity, despondency or despair,
    or over-care for welfare of others? Maybe no one has ever bought you flowers Dr. Hall.

    Considering sales of 189 million roses on Valentine’s day alone. (Please don’t send me a link that it was 189,000,005) Flowers must have some value.

    I wonder how many SBM doctors have explained to their loved ones that flowers for Valentine’s, Anniversary, and Birthday is nothing more than CAM. And if you do buy flowers aren’t you a hypocrite?

  12. fledarmus1 says:

    @MerColOzcopy – oh, I can just see it now, trying to convince my wife that this bottle of Rescue Remedy is actually the same thing as a dozen roses…

  13. nybgrus says:

    and if you conflate whole flowers bought for a loved one with magical exctract of flowers dripped on the tongue you are an idiot

    but I like fledarmus1′s take. Next time I am in trouble with the missus, I’ll give her a dropperful of brandy mixture with the complete works of Bach to explain myself..

  14. mousethatroared says:

    Well she may not be happy with RR, but I’d accept thisin lieu of flowers from my husband on Mother’s day (anniversary, birthday).

    It’s about $31 for a 750ml bottle or 4 cents a ml, RR is about $12 for a 20ML bottle or 60 cents a ml.

    And one of those two things tastes yummy in a cocktail.

  15. WilliamLawrenceUtridge says:

    MerColOzcopy, do you think it is the inherent properties of the flowers that has its effect, or perhaps the social meaning behind the act?

    Also, are you claiming that giving people flowers can cure diseases?

    And finally – are you seriously claiming popularity determines effectiveness? It’s funny that we stopped using bloodletting and purging, as both were incredibly popular.

    You really come across as a stalker with a beef against Dr. Hall, pimping logical fallacies (in this case, reductio ad absurdum) to score cheap rhetorical points because you don’t have anything substantive to say.

  16. fledarmus1 says:

    @mousethatroared – you’ve got good taste! My wife prefers that to roses as well :)

  17. Jan Willem Nienhuys says:

    I don’t know what a dozen roses cost in the USA (depends where you live), but probably more than in the Netherlands, but a tiny bottle of Rescue Remedy containing 10 ml for 17 dollar isn’t really cheap, and if you reckon that at a 5X dilution (that’s what it says) you get 100 microgram of mixed flowers or less, these are reall quite expensive flowers, at about 2 million dollars an avoirdupois ounce.

    Anybody should be thrilled to get such a precious gift. And in such a nice bottle too!

    Here you can look up what extraordinary flowers are supposedly in it. You’ll have to believe they are in it, because somehow I doubt that even modern technology can figure out whether there is really cherry plum in it. Of course you can try to use a pharmacological method. If the patient suddenly acts rationally after ingesting a drop, then there is Prunus cerasifera HPUS in it.

    http://www.alibaba.com/product-free/241094172/Bach_Rescue_Remedy_Liquid_Drops_10ml.html

  18. Alia says:

    One of my acquitances is a certified Bach therapist. And she mostly uses the Bach remedies to treat cats – you know that kind of stuff when the cat gets nervous because its owners move with it to a new flat, get a new pet or a new baby and then the cat stops eating, starts urinating all around the flat or is trying to kill the new pet. She claims that her remedies are proven and have worked for many cats. Personally, I’d rather say it’s all about placebo again – the owners start to look for the source of the problem, they spend more time with their cat, try to find a way to improve its wellbeing – and the cat itself feels better.
    Well, to be honest, I don’t mind pets, if their owners want to spend their money on dubious remedies, that’s their problem. But she also tries to sell the stuff to people, who would be much better if they just went to a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist. And that is really sad.

  19. lizditz says:

    This is from an Australian source, but the Bach Flower BS is rampant in USian equine circles as well:

    Rescue remedy can be thought of as a single remedy with its own indications, it can help a horse stay calm when under pressure and needs to stay calm and reassured.

    There are several ways to use Rescue Remedy, and as it is what we call a vibrational remedy, it just has to come into contact with your horse’s energy field to have an effect on him. The usual recommendation is to add 10 drops into your horse’s drinking water. This can be useful with dealing with day to day general stresses, but sometimes you need a more direct application.

    I like to use Rescue Remedy when I handle the horse. I place a couple of drops on the palm of my hand and wipe it along the horse’s neck. I do this in a calming and reassuring stroke so my actions as well as the application of the Rescue Remedy reinforce each other.

    When a horse is sore somewhere I will use Rescue Remedy on my hands and massage it into the sore muscle or wipe it across a bruised area. You can add Rescue Remedy to water used to hose down sore legs, and you can wipe along your horse’s belly when he shows signs of colic while waiting for your veterinarian to arrive.

    The key to using Rescue Remedy is to use little doses often. When the symptoms are more acute, the more often you give the dose, either into your horse’s mouth or onto any part of his body. I find across the loins a useful area as it is one area that “fear” will lodge very quickly in the body.

    Rescue Remedy can also be used to prepare a horse before a stressful situation. If your horse is nervous getting onto a float, or when the farrier visits, give your horse a couple of doses of Rescue Remedy with the last one within 20 minutes of needing to go on the float or be shod. Rescue Remedy assists to peel away past fears of these situations, however if there are many layers to these issues, be prepared to peel away the past emotions and experiences like an onion, one layer at a time.

    Rescue Remedy will not replace appropriate training techniques, however it can be used to assist your horse get past what is blocking him in his learning or his ability to perform given tasks.

    Rescue Remedy can be used for horses that shy, if you know your horse shies at a particular corner of your arena, or out on a trail, give him Rescue Remedy as you saddle up. It is also handy to have on hand when a horse does shy, use it as soon after the incident to help release the nervousness before it settles into the body. Again we need to incorporate the use of Rescue Remedy with training techniques, it is not to replace good training.

    If our horses do stress when out on a ride or going to competition, when you give your horse a dose of Rescue Remedy, give yourself a dose as well. Often our nerves need to be settled as well, and our horses are just reflecting what we are feeling. Rescue Remedy also helps the rider stay more present so their horse is less likely to shy because the rider is daydreaming.

    Rescue Remedy is a simple, gentle and effective remedy that is also inexpensive. You can obtain a bottle from your local health food store, equine therapist, or naturopath.

    I had a trainer charge me “training fees” and “medication fees” for using Rescue Remedy on my horse. I left the next day.

  20. fledarmus1 says:

    Now there’s a perfect setup for a double-blind study! Just get the manufacturer to say that they are trying out some new formulas for Rescue Remedy, get a bunch of trainers that use Rescue Remedy that are willing to try the new formulas exclusively for a few weeks, and have a bottler make up solutions 1, 2, 3, 4 for the manufacturer to provide to the trainers (at least one being a placebo). See what the trainers report about the horses’ response to the “new” formulation.

    Of course, you’d have to find water and brandy that had never actually touched a flower to use for the placebo, to avoid picking up any extraneous vibrations.

  21. Jan Willem Nienhuys says:

    Of course, you’d have to find water and brandy

    As ‘rock water’ is also one of the remedies better make it a kind of water that hasn’t recently come into contact with a rock.

  22. Narad says:

    And in such a nice bottle too!

    It really is a nice little dropper that they include, as well. Reminds me of my first chemistry set, which put the user to the task of making pipettes with an alcohol lamp.

  23. LovleAnjel says:

    Rescue Remedy sh!t is rampant in small animal circles. One of the reasons I unsubscribed from a gerbil enthusiast listserv is that they recommended it for everything! I didn’t know it was mostly alcohol – can you imagine giving a cage of gerbils RR to drink? I wonder if people found it so calming for gerbils & hammies because their pets went into withdrawal between dosings.

  24. Calli Arcale says:

    Jan — would it suffice, then, to use only water made by combustion of hydrogen and oxygen? ;-) (Or, since hydrogen is mostly liberated from fossil fuels, would it retain vibrations from that? How ridiculous can this get?)

  25. Tigger says:

    Years ago, when #1 son was a toddler, my then somewhat credulous wife would reach for a bottle of Rescue Remedy every time he had an ouch. Now, having a wailing 2 year old stop and open his mouth to receive a couple of drops would often be enough to quiet him, but it bothered me that my wife was taken in by the silliness of Rescue Remedy so I devised a sly alternative treatment that provided even better results: I would hold my son gently and sing him the Rubber Ducky song. I don’t know what Bert and Ernie put into that song, but it worked, guaranteed, 100%. It was so effective, in fact, that #1 son , when aggrieved or injured by any one of the misadventures an adventurous toddler may encounter, would seek me out tearfully requesting the treatment by name, “I need a Rubber Ducky!”

    The treatment is most effective when administered for an acute ouch, and may be accompanied with gentle squeezing and may also include stroking or patting of the child’s back. The quality of the singing (or lack thereof) has little negative impact to the overall effectiveness of the treatment, but having a grumpy or angry expression on one’s face while you sing the song is less effective than a smile.

    I realize the evidence for this treatment is only anecdotal, but I have numerous witnesses that can attest to its effectiveness, including my elderly mother. Further evidence of this treatment’s effectiveness includes the equally 100% success rate the treatment had with my spare. She was even more adventurous and on occasion even received the treatment from her older brother.

    Clearly, the Rubber Ducky song has a paranormal curative property, both inexplicable yet effective. The technique is easily learned by the layman, but I offer a program to certify interested parties as Certified Rubber Ducky Practitioners. As a one time public service, and today only, I will offer this specialized knowledge to readers of this blog for free.

    Sung to the tune of “Rubber Ducky”
    Rubber Ducky
    Your the one (STROKE OR GENTLY RUB SUBJECT’S BACK HERE)
    You make bath time
    Lots of fun!
    Rubber Ducky
    I’m awfully fond of you! (bobobodeo) (FOR BEST EFFECT DO THE BOBOBO BUSINESS WITH SOME FEELING)

    Rubber Ducky
    Joy of joy
    When i squeeze you you make noise (GENTLY SQUEEZE SUBJECT HERE)
    Rubber Ducky
    You’re my very best friend its true

    Every Day
    When I make my way to the tubby
    I find a little fella who’s
    Cute and yella
    And chubby
    Rubba dub dubby! (OPTIONAL: RUB SUBJECT’S STOMACH IN A PLAYFUL MANNER)

    Rubber Ducky
    Your so fine
    And im lucky that your mine (SQUEEZE SUBJECT FIRMLY)
    Rubber ducky im awfully fond of you

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