Integrative Fire-Fighting

Having a housefire is a one of the most stressful, dehumanizing experiences a family can experience. Like cancer, fires appear unexpectedly, and fill victims with fear, grief, and hopelessness. Western firefighting methods do not adequately meet the needs of these victims. No one knows your house as well as you do, yet firefighters take a very paternalistic approach, removing you from the decision-making process, then leaving you to clean up their mess. In the same spirit as integrative oncology, advocates of integrative firefighting believe that families, practitioners of conventional firefighting, as well as advocates of alternative firefighting philosophies should work as a team to achieve their common goals. The integrative approach offers victims choices, and empowers them by inviting them to participate in their own journey through the extinguishing process.

The first fire department was in ancient Rome and provided free firefighting services to citizens. Today firefighting services are a dominated by a consortium of of big business (producers of firefighting equipment) the government (public works) and a militia of mercenary firefighters, collectively known a “Big Hydrant.” This alliance has resulted in a proliferation of expensive, impersonal technology, but firefighting results have not improved since the times of the ancient Romans.

Consider the following story: Sonya of Westchester Missouri had a grease fire in her kitchen. When the flames began to spread, she did what she had been programmed to do since childhood. She called 911, summoning the local fire department. When they were finished, the fire was extinguished, but her windows were smashed, and there were thousands of dollars worth of water damage to her house. It took nearly 6 months to complete all the repairs. 1 year later her house was struck by lightning and burned to the ground. This failure of conventional firefighting is commonplace in our country.

Methods of fire-fighting in the Western world are based on a set of principles derived from the scientific philosophy of fire propagation. Western philosophy reduces fire to only 3 elements, commonly know as the “fire-triangle.” This reductionist approach teaches that heat, fuel and oxygen are the three essential elements to a fire. True to the bidding of Big Hydrant, the Western philosophy of fire is indoctrinated in our children starting in elementary school. It is the only philosophy considered in American fire fighting. The Western approach is one of many ways of understanding fires. Yet, alternative philosophies are systematically ignored, and even ridiculed.

Alternative approaches recognize that there is a universal energy which unites a structure to its inhabitants and the world around them. These components cannot be viewed in isolation from each other, and must be in balance to achieve a harmonious state of noncombustion. It is widely ignored in allopathic firefighting that there is a natural tendency for nature to restore balance, and for fires to extinguish themselves. Conventional firefighting techniques use a “treat the fire” approach, while alternative philosophies use a holistic approach, supporting the tendency for fires to extinguish naturally.

In ancient Chinese philosophy, there are 5 elements: Fire, Earth, Water, Metal and Wood. These elements are interchangeable and in a constant state of flux. They are reflected in every aspect of life. For instance, fire is associated with Tuesday and the direction South. Water is associated with Wednesday and the direction North. These five elements are also critical in the practice of Feng shui. Feng shui analyzes the the various components and energies (qi) of our surroundings. The layout and design of a structure as well as the size, shape, color and location of all the elements within a structure connect in a way that affects the balance of the qi within. An imbalance in this elements may alter the energy in a way that disturbs the noncombustive state. Integrating Eastern philosophy into firefighting would encourage firefighters to always attack fires from the North, and only on Wednesdays. Insurance rates would be discounted for structures meeting local feng shui building codes.

Homeopathy is an ancient healing science invented in the late 18th century. Homeopaths understand the law of similars and and the law of infinitesimals. If a substance can create a symptom, the same substance given in very dilute solution has an opposite, therapeutic effect. For instance, homeopathic preparations of coffee are used as a treatment for insomnia. Homeopathic remedies are often diluted to such a degree that not a single molecule of the active ingredient remains, however, the memory of the original substance alters the energetic field of the solvent, enhancing the therapeutic effect.

It has recently been discovered that the principles of homeopathy can be applied to firefighting. Sodium is an alkali metal. In its elemental form it is highly reactive, and will spontaneously burst into flame when exposed to moisture. A homeopathic preparation of sodium (200C or 1 part sodium in 100²ºº parts water) is an excellent remedy for combustion. In accordance with the law of infinitesimals, higher dilutions are even more effective. In a recent study, fires treated with homeopathic sodium were extinguished much faster, and caused significantly less structural damage than untreated fires. Other effective homeopathic firefighting preparations include: lithium, arsenic, cobra venom, thyroid hormone, sulfur, Tobasco, and bee-vomit. A recent study by the NCCAFF (National Center for Complementary and Alternative Fire Fighting) suggest that aqueous preparations are more effective than tinctures.

America is a diverse society. It is time for Big Hydrant to relinquish its stranglehold on the choices of the public. The sooner that alternative philosophies of combustion are accepted, the sooner those in need will have choice in their journey to the state of true oxidative homeostasis. This will be achieved only when all philosophies are recognized and allowed to work together. We are grateful to advocates of integrative oncology for paving the way for our efforts.

Posted in: Humor

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28 thoughts on “Integrative Fire-Fighting

  1. annappaa says:

    Absolutely! I’m sick of those Big Hydrant shills yapping about the “herd immunity” they receive from other houses in the neighborhood being protected by reductionist Western firefighting techniques. They say that when I choose to exercise my fire freedom and employ alternative firefighting modalities I’m putting all the other houses in the neighborhood in danger. I can’t believe how brainwashed some people can be.

  2. shawmutt says:

    The way fires are currently fought is complete nonsense, and I’m glad this blog has finally brought that to light! I try to explain how wrong the “experts” are in their own field, and for some reason these so-called “experts” never respond to my multiple emails or calls…

    I have been taking fire fighting lessons from my yoga instructor for five years now. The proper pose when extinguishing flames is paramount, as it affects the heat on a quantum level. I have run all the necessary experiments using birthday candles, both regular and those annoying relighting ones, and have found the proper pose makes a huge difference.

    This fundamental understanding helps explain why some fires seem to rage on while others are quickly contained. I am in the middle of finding funding for my 5 part DVD set that will change the current paradigm of fire fighting everywhere. Unless, of course, the Big Hydrant shills get to me first and shut me…

  3. jswilkins says:

    More importantly, one should have care to fight fires with Chi, using the best principles of Feng Shui. Always fight fires from the north or south, as the dragon spirits will not enter from the east or west, and so you will be frustrated in your desire to have an unburning house. If at all possible, leave clear pathways and initiate rescue from the east, evacuating the building from the west. All will then be harmonious.

  4. Kurt says:

    Thank you for bravely exposing the truth that “they” don’t want you to know. It went without saying, I’m sure, that Big Hydrant is one of the country’s biggest users of dihydrogen monoxide.

  5. Ken Hamer says:

    Big Hydrant also doesn’t want you to know that homeopathic remedies are at least as good at putting out fires as so-called conventional methods.

  6. ConspicuousCarl says:

    Well of course I don’t think these things are likely to work, but why shouldn’t these alternative firefighters be allowed to answer 911 calls so long as they have adequate disclaimers printed in Latin on the bottoms of their trucks?

  7. DW says:

    Traditional firefighters should do a lot of soul searching and hand wringing – perhaps start a blog? about whether/how to talk to clients who, against mainstream firefighting advice, are experimenting with these alternative methods. Perhaps if traditional firefighters were not perceived as cold and arrogant, perhaps if they were willing to hold clients’ hands more while their homes burn to the ground, clients would return to mainstream firefighting. But people are looking for so much more in a firefighter than than just a guy with a big hose and ladder … they really want their holistic needs met too.

  8. DevoutCatalyst says:

    On a more serious April 1st note, while firefighting with plain water is clearly effective (unlike homeopathy) you must nevertheless dilute the structure you are trying to save to a homeopathic-like extreme.

    “Alternative” firefighting might involve some type of foam system,

    Chances are your fire department doesn’t have this technology, mine doesn’t. A recent structure fire in my city required 25,000 gallons of water for a dramatic save of a now very water damaged 100 year old building. Not sure why foam equipment isn’t more widespread — plain water’s appeal from antiquity?

    One obvious downside compared to traditional firefighting like you see on television news — this foam stuff makes the job of firefighter look kind of boring.

  9. DW says:

    Also overlooked as usual is the role of religion in fostering susceptibility to such beliefs. Fires are a punishment from God!! Anyway people who die in fires probably didn’t have very good immune systems.

  10. MerColOzcopy says:

    “Big Hydrant.” My wife knows all about it!!

  11. TsuDhoNimh says:

    Devout Catalyst: Get some fundraising going for your department.

    CAFS is extremely common in the USA … and the systems can be retrofitted into almost any truck, or stand-alones can be towed on a trailer. I wrote the installation and operations manuals for one brand of CAFS and remember a lengthy section on retrofitting.

    (OMG, that makes me a shill for Big Hydrant!)

  12. papertrail says:

    You know what they call alternative firefighting when it is proven to work? Firefighting.

  13. BillyJoe says:

    When I was in the shower and the lights flickered and went out and I rushed out to find the power box alight and flames spreading up the wall cavity and into the ceiling I exclaimed in a very loud voice: “God help us!“.
    Luckily my wife had already phoned the fire brigade.

  14. papertrail says:


    Because of this article, i researched the Mercola site for alt-FF devices, discovering an exciting product that is lightyears ahead of science. Using applied thermal detection technology, heat sensing disks are embedded with crystals, invented by a famous Russian psychic who decoded the instructions from 10,000 year old cave art. The disks locate quantum fires burning inside your body and use you’re own cold fusion energy to extinguish the flames, preventing much feared spontaneous combustion. I bought the necklace version for $300, a lot of money but the the digital display shows I defused 23 quantum fires already. Phew!

  15. laursaurus says:

    ” Sonya of Westchester Missouri had a grease fire in her kitchen. When the flames began to spread, she did what she had been programmed to do since childhood. She called 911, ”

    No, NO, NO!
    You get everyone out of the house first!!!

    At least that’s what I was indoctrinated to believe back in the days of land lines and “Walk, don’t run! Single file..”
    Then again, you didn’t say when she called. One should not assume such important details when it’s life or death.

    (April Fools!)
    Pretty good one! I’m surprised you didn’t get one fool to fall for your satirical masterpiece. Did you do it last year?

  16. SirRichard says:

    (Slow clapping steadily getting faster) Bravo on that post, good sir!

  17. Jan Willem Nienhuys says:

    Ah! you forgot to mention the uncounted victims of firefighting due to errors of the firefighting departments. The occasional victim of integrative firefighting (IFF) is not at all the fault of IFF, it is just that they called in the IFF too late. The worst part of Big Hydrant is that they prevent the wondrous methods of IFF to be adopted, they are afraid that all those firefighters and builders of fire-engines are losing their jobs. Take for instance the marvellous Vacuous Big Bang Method for extinguishing fires. It consists of projecting the interstellar vacuum, with its ultracold 2,725 K temperature onto the fire by exposing it to an intense burst of 160.2 GHz microwave radiation, quite in accordance with the latest scientific findings. This method was extensively discussed in the peer reviewed International Journal for Complimentary Fire Cooperation (‘fighting’ is really a too aggressive approach). Hundreds of lives could be saved if Big Hydrant would just adopt this method, but they stubbornly refuse to pay attention to it. They even don’t bother to try to write a decent refutation in one of their respected journals, and for argument they just laugh out loud. It is so unfair.

    Incidentally, the idea that ultradiluted coffee helps against insomnia is just homeopath propaganda. The homeopathic Materia Medica consists of a list of about one million combinations of a ‘remedy’ and a ‘symptom’. The great majority of these symptoms have been obtained by giving ‘healthy’ nineteenth century volunteers an ultradiluted substance (telling them what the substance was of course) and then noting down all remarkable ‘symptoms’. Generally these symptoms, like ‘fear of thunderstorms’, ‘sleeping on the right side’, ‘depressed feelings in the moonlight’, usually have no relation at all with the reputed effects of the undiluted substance. For example, ultradiluted table salt has more than a thousand symptoms. Even diluted shavings of north poles of magnets have hundreds of ‘symptoms’ – quite different from the diluted shavings of south poles. Needless to say that none of these million effects of highly diluted ‘remedies’ on healthy volunteers have ever been properly tested (randomized, double blind) with positive results.

  18. Jan Willem Nienhuys says:

    PS. Could you change that continental European 2,725 K into Anglosaxon 2.725 K?

  19. BillyJoe says:

    “You get everyone out of the house first!!!”

    Yes, she did that as well.
    As I was frantically trying to smother the flames in the power box with blankets (yes!), I heard the siren of the fire truck coming up the road and, when I looked around, there were all the kids standing with their mother cool as cucumbers at the bottom of the stairs.

  20. dawshoss says:

    Unfortunately the success of integrated firefighting can be hindered by the presence of skeptics :(

  21. Brandt says:

    Why ever risk the chance of a fire when it can easily be prevented by periodic adjustments of rafters and joists by a licensed archepractor?

  22. fledarmus1 says:

    But unfortunately, Big Hydrant does not pay any attention to the needs and desires of the person experiencing the fire event. I remember changing the oil in my car once, and spilling a small amount on the catalytic converter, which on that vehicle was just beneath the transmission. My wife took the car and, being somewhat nervous, panicked when smoke started coming through the boot on the shifter. She jumped out of the car and closed the door behind her, which locked, with the keys inside and the engine still running. She was right in front of a gas station though, and the mechanic there brought out their large garage extinguisher, popped the hood, and found that there was no fire, just smoke coming from the top of the catalytic converter. He laughed, told her it was probably some spilled oil smoking, and went back to get a tool to open the locked door for her.

    While he was gone, Big Hydrant arrived on their gigantic truck, shut down the street and established a secure perimeter in spite of my wife telling them there was no fire, and sprayed the engine down thoroughly with a four inch hose, destroying all of the wiring, the radiator fan, the fuse box, and most of the rest of the engine. They then broke the window with a fire axe and ripped up the carpet and the shift boot to make sure that there was no fire beneath the carpet. All while holding back my wife and the man from the gas station, who had the situation well in hand. The car was totalled, and the cause of death was listed as a fire, rather than the more accurate mis-diagnosis followed by heroic treatment which unfortunately killed the patient.

    After all, a really good anecdote about how badly things can go wrong when the establishment is allowed to substitute their judgment for that of the patient only makes the argument stronger, right?

  23. DW says:

    If that silly troll lady were here, she’d tell us that if we’d just tell her everything we eat, we wouldn’t have to worry about fires, because if you follow a naturopathic diet you can’t be burned by a fire (unless maybe you have the wrong species in your feces).

  24. DugganSC says:

    ^_^ This reminds me of the list of “reasons why I don’t bathe” used as an analogy for reasons not to go to church that our priest related to us several years back.

    I was about to chime in with a bit about how Big Hydrant tries to press the idea of fireproofing houses when it’s been shown that fireproofing may not actually protect them any better and the fireproofing material can cause diseases and disorders… then I remembered asbestos. I guess it just goes to show that any metaphor extended far enough can turn on you.

  25. Calli Arcale says:

    DevoutCatalyst — I was recently reading about another firefighting system recently developed from work done on a NASA grant. (Yeah, bona-fide space tech!) Work done at Marshall Space Flight Center to develop a better rocket engine was adapted to make a better fire nozzle. And I mean *lots* better. It started life as a cool-wall vortex combustion chamber concept — creating a vortex with the way fuel and oxidizer are injected into the combustion chamber (the engine bell) such that the burning happens in the middle, away from the chamber’s walls, reducing thermal stress. Thermal stress is a major problem in rocket engines; a lot of the system’s weight and complexity is devoted to making sure it doesn’t melt itself. Well, somebody realized this could also make water jets more efficient, and they developed ultra-high pressure fire suppression systems. Test burns of vacant houses performed at Vandenberg AFB revealed that this nozzle can extinguish a living room fire in 17.3 seconds using 13.6 gallons, and with only one firefighter controlling the nozzle. An identical test fire extinguished with a conventional system required 105 seconds, 220 gallons of water, and several firemen to handle it.

  26. DugganSC says:

    Actually, come to think of it, one could include the anti-vaxxers:
    Actually, come to think of it, one could include the anti-vaxxers:
    “Big Hydrant has attempted to pass laws forcing home-owners to include ‘Fireproof materials’ in home construction in a supposed attempt to prevent fires that instead exists only to line the pockets of the fireproofing material manufacturers. I know someone who had a fire in their house despite using this supposed ‘fireproofing’! Furthermore, they push these fireproofing materials on us despite earlier methods including asbestos which has been linked to increased lung cancer! I haven’t seen sufficient proof yet that the newer materials do not cause similar health problems and I would prefer to take my risks with fires, which won’t make my children develop cancer. At this time, fireproofing is not required, thank the goddess, for older houses, so we can continue to live as we choose without government-mandated carcinogens in our home, but even then, Big Hydrant are using mortgage companies as their lackeys, forcing us to integrate these hazardous materials into our homes if we want to be able to get a loan on our house purchase, even if the house should have been grandfathered in. Worse, they target the poor by putting the greatest restrictions on the loans for the more financially destitute!”

    The last, incidentally, is true. The mortgage company I’m working with was going to force me to add additional firewalls prior to purchase when they listed me as an FHA loan. When I pointed out it was a traditional loan, they dropped it. Personally, I plan to add said firewalls to the supplemental garage (the main garage, which is the one we plan to use, has sufficient firewalling), but it will be easier to afford it after a year or two versus having to finish repairs prior to closing.

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